Ann Arbor's DIRTHAMMER!

Humility Rehabilitation Clinic
The DIRTHAMMER! is not for brittle egos. It will, on any given Tuesday evening, with the right mix of riders, peel away the simpering layers of anyone's pride.

Joe L!!!!!!!! is Partly Right?
Joe--and we all know which Joe I'm talking about, right?--mentioned, in a recent forum, his interpretation of the DIRTHAMMER! origins. It, from his understanding, was begun by Paul Kundrat, Ric Lung, and Ian Lockley, leaving from Northville and emanating forth along local dirt roads. Joe's from Northville. He has pride in his fair village. My guess is that he goes to sleep at night imagining the Tour de France beginning its two thousand plus mile odyssey from Northville someday soon. I'm right, aren't I Joe? Knowing Joe, it could happen.

Well, Joe found snippets of truth in his overexpanding tube of exploding speculations. And half a fact is better than none. And, let's admit it, the DIRTHAMMER! is part legend, part myth, and part delusion anyway.

The DIRTHAMMER! (all caps--as declared by Paul Kundrat) was, in name, Paul's baby. But, and here's where Joe slips down his greasy off-camber hill of truth, this dirt road ride has been going on in Ann Arbor for a while, even before it received the DIRTHAMMER! moniker. And even as the newly rechristened DIRTHAMMER! it originated out of Ann Arbor, beginning from Barton Dam to be specific. So say both Paul and Ric.

Early Origins
According to veteran roadie, Jim Levinsohn, this dirty experience began as an easygoing ride on mountain bikes in the pre-cellphone days. (At first I read it as pre-cellophane and I thought, wow, that is old.) He, Doug Heady, and a guy who is only mentioned in the history books as Dixon wanted a change of pace after a heavy dose of spring and summer road racing. They called this the Dirt Road Ride. Exciting, huh? The regular route of the ride that we now know evolved over time, mostly through the considered attentions and endless wanderings of Jim and Doug.

It has become a route ingrained in the subconscious of anyone who's ridden it repeatedly. In full hammer mode it takes less than an hour and a half to complete, perfect for a Tuesday evening late summer/early fall CX season prep and workout as light fades from the northern hemisphere. The rolling hills are cruelly ever-present and almost perfectly placed to highlight any weakness in the legs of its miscreant participants.

Even in those early "mellow" rides, Jim notes, strange things happened. Dave Koesel fell so hard in a sprint that he was knocked out. He did regain consciousness and finish the ride, but if anyone's come across Dave since (for instance racing a fixie--and doing well--in the Ann Arbor Runway Spring Training Series), this will explain a lot. Paul McMullen, an Olympic 1500 meter runner, rode with his running shoes (truly clipless) and wailed on everyone. Jim and Doug were even chased by a child's remote control car. This is a ride as much known for its imagination as for its exhilaration.

Rebirth
Time passed. Somewhere along the way it lost its sparkle and languished for a while in obscurity. Then, around 2002 or so, a critical degenerate mass reconvened, only this time with cross bikes. According to Paul K, "it picked up momentum with regulars that included myself, Rich Stark, Ric Lung, Brian Rosewarne, Randy Herman, Tom Archer, and others. Inclement weather and darkness were not inhibitors and if you got shelled it meant a solo ride back to A2." Paul, who eventually became president of the Velo Club, considered it the hardest ride the club had to offer.

I picked up on it a year later and I remember regular and irregular luminaries such as Blair Dudley, Ken O'Day, Nick Durrie, Andy Weir, Jason Lummis, Ben & Wendy Caldwell, Jim James, Julie Bellerose, and I'm pretty sure Joe L!!!!!!! among many others, kicking the hurt in as well.

The beginning of the ride has two iterations leaving from Barton Dam, both heading north along Huron River Drive. The first and most common turns right across the Foster Bridge and up the far too soon hellishly steep Country Club Road. The second goes out to the equally unforgiving Tubbs Road climb. Some riders are mercifully dropped this early in the ride and given the freedom to enjoy themselves at their own measured pace. For those who still hang on it's a leg ripping evening of affliction ferociously rolling northwest all the way out to the incessantly undulating Walsh Road, left on Merkel and up a devious little pitch that's dropped many stout riders, and back southeast on Zeeb, Farrell, Jennings, Stein, and Maple, returning to Barton Dam, often shrouded in darkness at this point.

The point of the DIRTHAMMER! is its relentlessness. It builds momentum, reaching not one crescendo but dozens of them. If the pace slackens, it's immediately reignited by those with the freshest legs going off the front, much to the chagrin of those who feel they've just put in the last their own weary muscles have to offer. Whining and groaning is part of the dialogue. It's one ride that's meant, by definition, to repeatedly grind every last ounce of energy out of the legs and lungs, then require more.

The DIRTHAMMER! by any name is an institution in this area. It's a ride that helps racers prepare and stay in shape for the fall cyclocross season, and many use it to lock in their form for Traverse City's ICEMAN in early November.

Whoa! Wait a minute. Maybe the DIRTHAMMER! started in Traverse City. Hey, I'm originally from Traverse City. Yes, yes, it did start in Traverse City. And soon the Tour de Fra...

If anyone has further truths or fabrications to share about this infamous ride, let us know.

..................................oRo...

Tailwind '09 Cyclocross Underway

Tailwind CX #2 - Waterford Tales

Don't you just love the temperamental seasonal affective disorder of CX races? They start out blazing, pass through a mudcaked session or two midway, and end on an ice glazed slipfest in December (with often an even more bizarre heat blast some time in November). If you can avoid getting sick in the heart of cold season, your body still has to contend with and adapt to the fickle whims of the cosmos.

Sunday's Tailwind race at Waterford was Exhibit A. The most notable visual image, besides the blunderplummet Orange Crush flyover (or my favorite name, the Rhinover), was the dust, particularly in the first lap of each race as the packs held together. It rose like a brown LA haze, more in line with a particulated race in the desert than a Southeast Michigan dirt fest.

This year was a break from the past few seasons with its flip of the first and last race venues. Maybe Robert Linden was hoping that he'd trick the gods into an early cold snap and finish in balmy Springfield Oaks in December, but the gods are tricksters themselves, not easily fooled. It was both hot and humid on Sunday and the course was one dry bumpy monster. (By the way, I nearly drove to Springfield Oaks just out of habit.) The sharp cracks of the muzzle loading event nearby were an ominous, yet oddly fitting presence as bikers whipped and wove their way over the rumbling field.

What Waterford lacks in topography and forest was more than made up for with those grumpy bumps, the flyover, and Joe Brown's masterfully sadomasochistic (he has to race on them, too) skill at weaving its lines in any way that makes life challengingly creative for those fools willing to plunge into a CX daymare.

Stumbling over the flyover must have been the ultimate humiliation, since I heard more than one lowly participant grumble about its presence. It must be working in just the evil way it was intended. My understanding is that it was built by Robert Wozniak and it took three trips to haul it from its demented Frankensteinian laboratory to the unwitting course. Word is, and this will be a relief to many who had to scale its hoary heights, it won't come back until Springfield Oaks. Something to look forward to on a bitter cold day at the end of the season, eh?

Keep in mind, the truly demented appear to hearken from Rhino Country (Brown, Wozniak, Linden to name only a few), so cast all aspersions where they are due. I'm not sure if it's something in the water or just a region that, like Australia, took in the most unruly members of society at one time and we now deal with their spawn--where else?--on CX courses.

Add Anne Schwartz to the Rhino list already mentioned, who comes forth each year to stamp her ruthless mark on contenders no less qualified than Marney Smiley and Kelly Paterson. There's something pernicious in those who don purple and yellow.

One exception to Rhino rule is the A race, dominated convincingly on Sunday by Specialized's Michael Wissink, though I see that Wolverine Jeff Weinert did give him a run on Saturday. Perhaps, if cut, they too bleed purple and yellow, but that's only a viscous rumor on my part.

As an aside, ringer Rudy Sroka slipped into the Sunday race to lay claim to top honors in the 45+ category. According to Lake Effect's web site (who let these Ohioans in anyway?), he's "a former US National Cycling Team member, a 6-time New England Road Champion, and a rider for the US National Team in the amateur Tour de France." So, if you got your tail handed to you on Sunday, though this be madness, yet there is method in it. (Quote of Top Bard Bill). I'm sure it's of little consolation to Rhino Mark Wolowiec, Saturday's winner, but Mark has to share the honors now and then to keep things interesting.

Aside two: the Wolverines are the sleeper, beginning to make inroads into the Rhino CX hegemony. Weinert's move there seems to have sparked some intensity into the club that keeps on giving.

Nice opening weekend to what looks like another great Tailwind CX series. Rev up your cowbells.

JP Event Update, DIRT HAMMER & CX Practices

Please note: I interchanged the practice vs. HAMMER days when I first posted this >>> corrected below.

WEEKLY CX PRACTICE
CX practice will meet at Forsythe Middle School
Thursday evenings at 6pm.
You'll get further instructions about location(s) at that time. Sounds kind of sly, doesn't it?

JP EVENT #3 - Tuesday, September 22, 6pm sharp!
DIRT ROAD HAMMERFEST!
Meet at Forsythe Middle School parking lot and ride your bikes to Barton Dam.

DIRT HAMMER
Tuesday evenings at 6pm.
Meet at Forsythe Middle School parking lot and ride your bikes to Barton Dam.
Bring lights as the season progresses into the fall.

Dirty Critty Brunch Race - 09

After the Critty Fact
Ben Caldwell somehow rigged the race so he'd win it as well as put it on. Sure, it may have had something to do with training, but we do have suspicions that Ben must have rigged the course somehow. An investigation is under way.

Actually, Ben and Wendy Caldwell both put on the race, the 3rd Annual DCBR. As usual they did a great job. It is one of the most welcoming, socially inclusive races of the season. All kinds of riders show up, some hard core racers, some who just race occasionally, but even as they all suffer through the laps, they still come through with smiles on their faces. Sure, it's an indication of derangement, but it's fun derangement.

As the second race in this year's insufferably serious and crucially threatening Jolly Pumpkin CX Series, it's one of those early fall season leg bender / lung grinder get-you-ready-for-the-fun-to-come at Tailwind kind of things.

Okay, so there was no four-legged animal as a grand prize as promised. There would have been, but the vehicle carrying the grand prize goat hit a deer and by the time they got the engine running and the deer cut into venison steaks, the race was well over. A frozen chicken volunteered to fill in. The goat is still happily dazed chewing useless car parts.

We planned to have state-of-the-art result info for the Labor Day morning grittycritfest. We had ordered chip timing, but there was a typo on the form and we were sent chimp timing and the chimp is dyslexic and hopelessly worthless, so I had to fill in. It's a step up, but barely. (The chimp was great, by the way. A little barbecue sauce and...okay, kidding. I'm a vegan, all right. I'd never hurt a chimp. Never. Not even a dyslexic one we we spent $748.93 for. Team mascot now. Poops all over carbon, ti, steel, and aluminum indiscriminately.)

Race Results
Anyway, the official results are as follows:













A Race
1st - Ben Caldwell
2nd - Andy Weir
3rd - Joe Brzuchanski


















B Race
1st - Thien Nguyen (I figgered his last name out)
2nd - Paul Singlespeed Something (still don't know Paul's last name--working on it, though)
3rd - Mike Solomon
3rd - Laura Johnson

The story is that Andy made the gap happen in the last lap of the A race and Ben caught his wheel. Andy kept the gap alive and Ben was able to come around for the sprint. Joe and Rodger fought it out for the bronze, with Joe edging out the lanky Zingchef.


















In the B race, Paul gerbiled away on his single speed, while Thien looked strong each time they passed the start/finish. Mike and Laura scrabbled over the line in a photo finish for bronze.

Prizes went to all kinds of people who did and didn't deserve them, provided by Two Wheel Tango, Ben and Wendy, Jiffy Mix, Mighty Good Coffee, Morgan & York, and of course, Jolly Pumpkin.

Overall Standings for the Series
Overall Standings after two races (to be verified by powers more questionable than my own):

A Race
1st - Andy Weir
2nd - Jason Lummis
3rd - Rich Stark

B Race
1st - Paul Singlespeed Something
Not sure about the rest of these.

Stay tuned for info on upcoming races. Next week is scheduled as a Punishment Park Twofur, one Wednesday evening, one Thursday evening (the Dirthammer route), but I'm not sure if there has been any adjustment of the Wednesday location, since Race 1 was already held there due to a small glitch with the Vets location. I'll confer with those less confused than I and get back to you.

Jolly Pumpkin CX '09 - Race #2

DIRTY CRITTY BRUNCH RACE
(photos from JP race #1)

It's held on a dirt road that acts like a criterium, but it hurts like a CX race. Wendy and Ben are the hosts of this little painfest on Labor Day morning at 9:30am. Go to 4547 Valentine Rd, out on the back roads west of Whitmore Lake. It's near the Dirt Hammer route and the race itself rolls over a section of the Dirt Hammer roads.

There will be some unique prizes. Wendy usually finds some farm animal to offer the winner. In the past it's been fowl, but I think it's getting bigger this year and it may be four legged. Not sure. You'll have to show up to find out.

I hear David Myers is involved as well, so Mighty Good Coffee will be part of the prize list, probably both as preems and as podium booty. Who knows, he may even have an urn fired up for a pre-race jump start.

Last year everyone hung out after the race for a nice brunch and some well deserved beer. It's pot luck, so bring along your favorite picnic dish.

Food Gatherers Donation
There will be a Food Gatherer's bin as well, so put an unopened can of something edible in your jersey pocket. We'll first transfer them into the pockets of annoyingly fast people like Jason Lummis, Rich Stark, Andy Weir, Brian Rosewarne, and Rodger Bowser during the race. It's only fair that we do a little bit of handicapping. But please bring a can for those who are struggling in these tough economic times.

The Races
My guess is that there will be an A and a B race group, with prizes for top women as well.

Jason wailed in the first A race of the season, dropped his chain twice and fell once and still came back to pass Rich and Andy for the top podium spot.










The B race was won by Alex, with second place going to Paul (I never got their last names and don't even know the name of the guy who came in third). Paul, by the way, was on a single speed and dropped his chain once. Monster.