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Humility Rehabilitation Clinic
The DIRTHAMMER! is not for brittle egos. It will, on any given Tuesday evening, with the right mix of riders, peel away the simpering layers of anyone's pride.
Joe L!!!!!!!! is Partly Right?
Joe--and we all know which Joe I'm talking about, right?--mentioned, in a recent forum, his interpretation of the DIRTHAMMER! origins. It, from his understanding, was begun by Paul Kundrat, Ric Lung, and Ian Lockley, leaving from Northville and emanating forth along local dirt roads. Joe's from Northville. He has pride in his fair village. My guess is that he goes to sleep at night imagining the Tour de France beginning its two thousand plus mile odyssey from Northville someday soon. I'm right, aren't I Joe? Knowing Joe, it could happen.
Well, Joe found snippets of truth in his overexpanding tube of exploding speculations. And half a fact is better than none. And, let's admit it, the DIRTHAMMER! is part legend, part myth, and part delusion anyway.
The DIRTHAMMER! (all caps--as declared by Paul Kundrat) was, in name, Paul's baby. But, and here's where Joe slips down his greasy off-camber hill of truth, this dirt road ride has been going on in Ann Arbor for a while, even before it received the DIRTHAMMER! moniker. And even as the newly rechristened DIRTHAMMER! it originated out of Ann Arbor, beginning from Barton Dam to be specific. So say both Paul and Ric.
Early OriginsAccording to veteran roadie, Jim Levinsohn, this dirty experience began as an easygoing ride on mountain bikes in the pre-cellphone days. (At first I read it as pre-cellophane and I thought, wow, that is old.) He, Doug Heady, and a guy who is only mentioned in the history books as Dixon wanted a change of pace after a heavy dose of spring and summer road racing. They called this the Dirt Road Ride. Exciting, huh? The regular route of the ride that we now know evolved over time, mostly through the considered attentions and endless wanderings of Jim and Doug.
It has become a route ingrained in the subconscious of anyone who's ridden it repeatedly. In full hammer mode it takes less than an hour and a half to complete, perfect for a Tuesday evening late summer/early fall CX season prep and workout as light fades from the northern hemisphere. The rolling hills are cruelly ever-present and almost perfectly placed to highlight any weakness in the legs of its miscreant participants.Even in those early "mellow" rides, Jim notes, strange things happened. Dave Koesel fell so hard in a sprint that he was knocked out. He did regain consciousness and finish the ride, but if anyone's come across Dave since (for instance racing a fixie--and doing well--in the Ann Arbor Runway Spring Training Series), this will explain a lot. Paul McMullen, an Olympic 1500 meter runner, rode with his running shoes (truly clipless) and wailed on everyone. Jim and Doug were even chased by a child's remote control car. This is a ride as much known for its imagination as for its exhilaration.Rebirth
Time passed. Somewhere along the way it lost its sparkle and languished for a while in obscurity. Then, around 2002 or so, a critical degenerate mass reconvened, only this time with cross bikes. According to Paul K, "it picked up momentum with regulars that included myself, Rich Stark, Ric Lung, Brian Rosewarne, Randy Herman, Tom Archer, and others. Inclement weather and darkness were not inhibitors and if you got shelled it meant a solo ride back to A2." Paul, who eventually became president of the Velo Club, considered it the hardest ride the club had to offer.I picked up on it a year later and I remember regular and irregular luminaries such as Blair Dudley, Ken O'Day, Nick Durrie, Andy Weir, Jason Lummis, Ben & Wendy Caldwell, Jim James, Julie Bellerose, and I'm pretty sure Joe L!!!!!!! among many others, kicking the hurt in as well.
The beginning of the ride has two iterations leaving from Barton Dam, both heading north along Huron River Drive. The first and most common turns right across the Foster Bridge and up the far too soon hellishly steep Country Club Road. The second goes out to the equally unforgiving Tubbs Road climb. Some riders are mercifully dropped this early in the ride and given the freedom to enjoy themselves at their own measured pace. For those who still hang on it's a leg ripping evening of affliction ferociously rolling northwest all the way out to the incessantly undulating Walsh Road, left on Merkel and up a devious little pitch that's dropped many stout riders, and back southeast on Zeeb, Farrell, Jennings, Stein, and Maple, returning to Barton Dam, often shrouded in darkness at this point.
The point of the DIRTHAMMER! is its relentlessness. It builds momentum, reaching not one crescendo but dozens of them. If the pace slackens, it's immediately reignited by those with the freshest legs going off the front, much to the chagrin of those who feel they've just put in the last their own weary muscles have to offer. Whining and groaning is part of the dialogue. It's one ride that's meant, by definition, to repeatedly grind every last ounce of energy out of the legs and lungs, then require more.
The DIRTHAMMER! by any name is an institution in this area. It's a ride that helps racers prepare and stay in shape for the fall cyclocross season, and many use it to lock in their form for Traverse City's ICEMAN in early November.
Whoa! Wait a minute. Maybe the DIRTHAMMER! started in Traverse City. Hey, I'm originally from Traverse City. Yes, yes, it did start in Traverse City. And soon the Tour de Fra...
If anyone has further truths or fabrications to share about this infamous ride, let us know.
..................................oRo...
Tailwind CX #2 - Waterford TalesDon't you just love the temperamental seasonal affective disorder of CX races? They start out blazing, pass through a mudcaked session or two midway, and end on an ice glazed slipfest in December (with often an even more bizarre heat blast some time in November). If you can avoid getting sick in the heart of cold season, your body still has to contend with and adapt to the fickle whims of the cosmos.
Sunday's Tailwind race at Waterford was Exhibit A. The most notable visual image, besides the blunderplummet Orange Crush flyover (or my favorite name, the Rhinover), was the dust, particularly in the first lap of each race as the packs held together. It rose like a brown LA haze, more in line with a particulated race in the desert than a Southeast Michigan dirt fest.
This year was a break from the past few seasons with its flip of the first and last race venues. Maybe Robert Linden was hoping that he'd trick the gods into an early cold snap and finish in balmy Springfield Oaks in December, but the gods are tricksters themselves, not easily fooled. It was both hot and humid on Sunday and the course was one dry bumpy monster. (By the way, I nearly drove to Springfield Oaks just out of habit.) The sharp cracks of the muzzle loading event nearby were an ominous, yet oddly fitting presence as bikers whipped and wove their way over the rumbling field.
What Waterford lacks in topography and forest was more than made up for with those grumpy bumps, the flyover, and Joe Brown's masterfully sadomasochistic (he has to race on them, too) skill at weaving its lines in any way that makes life challengingly creative for those fools willing to plunge into a CX daymare.
Stumbling over the flyover must have been the ultimate humiliation, since I heard more than one lowly participant grumble about its presence. It must be working in just the evil way it was intended. My understanding is that it was built by Robert Wozniak and it took three trips to haul it from its demented Frankensteinian laboratory to the unwitting course. Word is, and this will be a relief to many who had to scale its hoary heights, it won't come back until Springfield Oaks. Something to look forward to on a bitter cold day at the end of the season, eh?
Keep in mind, the truly demented appear to hearken from Rhino Country (Brown, Wozniak, Linden to name only a few), so cast all aspersions where they are due. I'm not sure if it's something in the water or just a region that, like Australia, took in the most unruly members of society at one time and we now deal with their spawn--where else?--on CX courses.
Add Anne Schwartz to the Rhino list already mentioned, who comes forth each year to stamp her ruthless mark on contenders no less qualified than Marney Smiley and Kelly Paterson. There's something pernicious in those who don purple and yellow.
One exception to Rhino rule is the A race, dominated convincingly on Sunday by Specialized's Michael Wissink, though I see that Wolverine Jeff Weinert did give him a run on Saturday. Perhaps, if cut, they too bleed purple and yellow, but that's only a viscous rumor on my part.
As an aside, ringer Rudy Sroka slipped into the Sunday race to lay claim to top honors in the 45+ category. According to Lake Effect's web site (who let these Ohioans in anyway?), he's "a former US National Cycling Team member, a 6-time New England Road Champion, and a rider for the US National Team in the amateur Tour de France." So, if you got your tail handed to you on Sunday, though this be madness, yet there is method in it. (Quote of Top Bard Bill). I'm sure it's of little consolation to Rhino Mark Wolowiec, Saturday's winner, but Mark has to share the honors now and then to keep things interesting.
Aside two: the Wolverines are the sleeper, beginning to make inroads into the Rhino CX hegemony. Weinert's move there seems to have sparked some intensity into the club that keeps on giving.
Nice opening weekend to what looks like another great Tailwind CX series. Rev up your cowbells. 
Please note: I interchanged the practice vs. HAMMER days when I first posted this >>> corrected below.
WEEKLY CX PRACTICE
CX practice will meet at Forsythe Middle School
Thursday evenings at 6pm.
You'll get further instructions about location(s) at that time. Sounds kind of sly, doesn't it?
JP EVENT #3 - Tuesday, September 22, 6pm sharp!DIRT ROAD HAMMERFEST! Meet at Forsythe Middle School parking lot and ride your bikes to Barton Dam.
DIRT HAMMER
Tuesday evenings at 6pm.
Meet at Forsythe Middle School parking lot and ride your bikes to Barton Dam.
Bring lights as the season progresses into the fall.
After the Critty FactBen Caldwell somehow rigged the race so he'd win it as well as put it on. Sure, it may have had something to do with training, but we do have suspicions that Ben must have rigged the course somehow. An investigation is under way.
Actually, Ben and Wendy Caldwell both put on the race, the 3rd Annual DCBR. As usual they did a great job. It is one of the most welcoming, socially inclusive races of the season. All kinds of riders show up, some hard core racers, some who just race occasionally, but even as they all suffer through the laps, they still come through with smiles on their faces. Sure, it's an indication of derangement, but it's fun derangement.
As the second race in this year's insufferably serious and crucially threatening Jolly Pumpkin CX Series, it's one of those early fall season leg bender / lung grinder get-you-ready-for-the-fun-to-come at Tailwind kind of things.
Okay, so there was no four-legged animal as a grand prize as promised. There would have been, but the vehicle carrying the grand prize goat hit a deer and by the time they got the engine running and the deer cut into venison steaks, the race was well over. A frozen chicken volunteered to fill in. The goat is still happily dazed chewing useless car parts.
We planned to have state-of-the-art result info for the Labor Day morning grittycritfest. We had ordered chip timing, but there was a typo on the form and we were sent chimp timing and the chimp is dyslexic and hopelessly worthless, so I had to fill in. It's a step up, but barely. (The chimp was great, by the way. A little barbecue sauce and...okay, kidding. I'm a vegan, all right. I'd never hurt a chimp. Never. Not even a dyslexic one we we spent $748.93 for. Team mascot now. Poops all over carbon, ti, steel, and aluminum indiscriminately.)
Race Results
Anyway, the official results are as follows:
A Race
1st - Ben Caldwell
2nd - Andy Weir
3rd - Joe Brzuchanski
B Race
1st - Thien Nguyen (I figgered his last name out)
2nd - Paul Singlespeed Something (still don't know Paul's last name--working on it, though)
3rd - Mike Solomon
3rd - Laura Johnson
The story is that Andy made the gap happen in the last lap of the A race and Ben caught his wheel. Andy kept the gap alive and Ben was able to come around for the sprint. Joe and Rodger fought it out for the bronze, with Joe edging out the lanky Zingchef.
In the B race, Paul gerbiled away on his single speed, while Thien looked strong each time they passed the start/finish. Mike and Laura scrabbled over the line in a photo finish for bronze.
Prizes went to all kinds of people who did and didn't deserve them, provided by Two Wheel Tango, Ben and Wendy, Jiffy Mix, Mighty Good Coffee, Morgan & York, and of course, Jolly Pumpkin.
Overall Standings for the Series
Overall Standings after two races (to be verified by powers more questionable than my own):
A Race
1st - Andy Weir
2nd - Jason Lummis
3rd - Rich Stark
B Race
1st - Paul Singlespeed Something
Not sure about the rest of these.
Stay tuned for info on upcoming races. Next week is scheduled as a Punishment Park Twofur, one Wednesday evening, one Thursday evening (the Dirthammer route), but I'm not sure if there has been any adjustment of the Wednesday location, since Race 1 was already held there due to a small glitch with the Vets location. I'll confer with those less confused than I and get back to you.
DIRTY CRITTY BRUNCH RACE(photos from JP race #1)
It's held on a dirt road that acts like a criterium, but it hurts like a CX race. Wendy and Ben are the hosts of this little painfest on Labor Day morning at 9:30am. Go to 4547 Valentine Rd, out on the back roads west of Whitmore Lake. It's near the Dirt Hammer route and the race itself rolls over a section of the Dirt Hammer roads.
There will be some unique prizes. Wendy usually finds some farm animal to offer the winner. In the past it's been fowl, but I think it's getting bigger this year and it may be four legged. Not sure. You'll have to show up to find out.
I hear David Myers is involved as well, so Mighty Good Coffee will be part of the prize list, probably both as preems and as podium booty. Who knows, he may even have an urn fired up for a pre-race jump start.
Last year everyone hung out after the race for a nice brunch and some well deserved beer. It's pot luck, so bring along your favorite picnic dish.
Food Gatherers Donation
There will be a Food Gatherer's bin as well, so put an unopened can of something edible in your jersey pocket. We'll first transfer them into the pockets of annoyingly fast people like Jason Lummis, Rich Stark, Andy Weir, Brian Rosewarne, and Rodger Bowser during the race. It's only fair that we do a little bit of handicapping. But please bring a can for those who are struggling in these tough economic times.
The Races
My guess is that there will be an A and a B race group, with prizes for top women as well.
Jason wailed in the first A race of the season, dropped his chain twice and fell once and still came back to pass Rich and Andy for the top podium spot. 
The B race was won by Alex, with second place going to Paul (I never got their last names and don't even know the name of the guy who came in third). Paul, by the way, was on a single speed and dropped his chain once. Monster.
Punishment Park Productions Okay all. Time to step into that parallel void that stretches beyond pain into humiliation and pedal deficit disorder. The CX season is rolling into town.
The second annual Jolly Pumpkin Cyclocross series begins Wednesday, August 19th, 6PM, at Vet's Park in Ann Arbor, corner of north Maple and Dexter Avenue. Early in the season, you say? It's never too early to join the insensate.
There will be two races beginning at 6:15. The first, the A race, will go for 60 minutes. The second, the B race, will go for 45 minutes.
With races planned and courses tortuously designed by people with names like Stark (which expresses the futile bleakness of it all), Weir (whose name only needs the final "DO" to define the mangled warp of the experience), Bowser (whose howling will eat deep into your bones as lap after lap tears at the very foundation your once worthy soul), and the inimitable BMF (figure that out for yourselves, kiddies, but be warned, Rosewarned), you will come to know the furies unleashed for the coming weeks.
The Beginning of Ugly
It may not be the ugly time of year, but this will be ugly none-the-less. I promise. You'll feel the foreboding sense of many more ugly days to come. Each turn of the crank will remind you what it feels like to enter the vacuum of the oxygen depleted universe and into the all too real world of exploding pain ratcheting through your thighs. Euphoria doesn't join the game in August. It's far too early. You'll be lucky if you feel it by late October. If ever. But stupidity? Yes, that you'll have with you from the very start.
Excesstasy
Who does well in cyclocross? Those who gladly deplete their senseless brains of oxygen, leading--with merciless empty mindedness--to euphoria transcending agony. These aren't normal minds by any means. They're beyond stupid. They're bathed in self-inflicted misery masked as elation. Humor them. It's fun to watch.
And how do you join this cretinous clique of starved souls? You pedal hard on wasted earth and suck air day after day, week after week, until you've become one of the depleted, a poor wayward being weekly planning your comeback and the chance to stand podium center with the pantheon of addlepated barrier bangers.
Prizes go to the least sensible. It costs nothing but your pride.
BE THERE!
The Series Continues
Stay tuned for more info:
JP#2 - The Dirty Critty Brunch Race
September 7, 9:30 AM (Labor Day)
JP#3 - CANCELLED - Wines CX (First of the weekly Double Trouble
JP#4 - Dirt Hammer
September 22, 6PM - MEET AT FORSYTHE on Newport Rd.
JP#5 - Leslie Park (The Finale)
September 28, 6PM - CANCELLED
Two Guys on a Vintage Bike Mission
Two young entrepreneurs are breaking into the bike business here in Ann Arbor. Michael Firn and Joe Bollinger have immersed themselves in the world of used and vintage bikes, doing repairs and making acquisitions out of a commercial garage in the Lowertown area that was a car detailing business not long ago. This is a part-time venture for them so far. They both work other jobs to survive, Joe at Detroit Edison and Michael at Pacific Rim. But they're also open seven days a week, 11am to 4pm. These are busy guys on a mission.
Why the name Sic Transit? It's part of a Latin phrase, sic transit gloria mundi, which roughly translated means "so passes the glory of the world," or "so the glory of the world shall fade." But these guys are arresting that phase of the quick passing of bikes from our past. They're keeping the glory of these selected bikes alive. Or another way to interpret the phrase is they allow the glory of these bikes to pass in front of us as they wheel down the street. There are other places in town where these old bikes are sold, but few of those bikes are revitalized to any semblance of their past glory.
The emphasis at Sic Transit is to revive that previous dignity by restoring high quality vintage and used bikes. They like their bikes to be steel, lugged, and double butted with aluminum wheels when possible. Bikes from the 60s, 70s and 80s are their main focus. They also do conversions to single speed and fixed gear. "These old bikes are great for that," said Michael. "They have the horizontal dropouts, unlike most modern bikes." They have a few fixie examples for sale in the shop. But most of their sales are with their wide range of geared bikes.
All of their bikes are given a thorough once-over, replacing old and worn parts with high quality new ones. Each completed bike looks crisp and ready for its new life. There's obvious pride in what goes out the door. Joe, the more mechanically focused of the two, says "this is a great way to enjoy a bike. I have it for a short time, then I pass it on."
When asked what they don't sell, they chimed, "chain store bikes" in unison. They said that unfortunately they're basically made to be thrown out after their short life.
Their selection is growing. Michael spends time acquiring and says he loves the hunt. So far they have a nice range of mid-level bikes, mostly from the 70s and 80s from my quick survey of their offerings. A 1975 Schwinn Paramount, an early 80s Goldensports Zebrakenno, a 1985 Panasonic DX 2000, a 1983 Peugeot PFN 10, a Schwinn Prologue, a Bianchi Trofeo, and even a late model Cannondale Cyclocross 800 snuck amongst the old timers. Most of the current bikes are in the $250 to $500 range.
Joe wants to spend some time with the old frames and bring them into the 21st century with up-to-date components. The best of both worlds. But for now they're building the business one step at a time, bringing the old classic bikes back to life. They want to be known as a good neighborhood bike shop selling quality stuff that is functional for everyday use and abuse.
If you're looking to sell, they buy old bikes. They also plan on selling parts for older bikes. There's no website up yet. Michael wants the website to look good before they venture off into cyberspace, but even their emphasis on old technology needs to be marketed with new technology. It's only a matter of time. 
The shop is located at 1033 Broadway in a brown brick building that actually faces Pontiac Trail. Check them out. They're growing and learning as they go and they'd probably be glad to get some feedback on what people are interested in and just chat about the vintage bike world.
Sic Transit Cycles 1033 Broadway Ann Arbor, MI 48105 734.327.6900 Every Day, 11am-4pm
Joe L!!!!!!!! is Partly Right? 
