Jolly Pumpkin Cyclocross Series - Ann Arbor

Punishment Park Productions
Okay all. Time to step into that parallel void that stretches beyond pain into humiliation and pedal deficit disorder. The CX season is rolling into town.

The second annual Jolly Pumpkin Cyclocross series begins Wednesday, August 19th, 6PM, at Vet's Park in Ann Arbor, corner of north Maple and Dexter Avenue. Early in the season, you say? It's never too early to join the insensate.

There will be two races beginning at 6:15. The first, the A race, will go for 60 minutes. The second, the B race, will go for 45 minutes.

With races planned and courses tortuously designed by people with names like Stark (which expresses the futile bleakness of it all), Weir (whose name only needs the final "DO" to define the mangled warp of the experience), Bowser (whose howling will eat deep into your bones as lap after lap tears at the very foundation your once worthy soul), and the inimitable BMF (figure that out for yourselves, kiddies, but be warned, Rosewarned), you will come to know the furies unleashed for the coming weeks.

The Beginning of Ugly
It may not be the ugly time of year, but this will be ugly none-the-less. I promise. You'll feel the foreboding sense of many more ugly days to come. Each turn of the crank will remind you what it feels like to enter the vacuum of the oxygen depleted universe and into the all too real world of exploding pain ratcheting through your thighs. Euphoria doesn't join the game in August. It's far too early. You'll be lucky if you feel it by late October. If ever. But stupidity? Yes, that you'll have with you from the very start.

Excesstasy
Who does well in cyclocross? Those who gladly deplete their senseless brains of oxygen, leading--with merciless empty mindedness--to euphoria transcending agony. These aren't normal minds by any means. They're beyond stupid. They're bathed in self-inflicted misery masked as elation. Humor them. It's fun to watch.

And how do you join this cretinous clique of starved souls? You pedal hard on wasted earth and suck air day after day, week after week, until you've become one of the depleted, a poor wayward being weekly planning your comeback and the chance to stand podium center with the pantheon of addlepated barrier bangers.

Prizes go to the least sensible. It costs nothing but your pride.

BE THERE!
The Series Continues
Stay tuned for more info:
JP#2 - The Dirty Critty Brunch Race
September 7, 9:30 AM (Labor Day)

JP#3 - CANCELLED - Wines CX (First of the weekly Double Trouble

JP#4 - Dirt Hammer
September 22, 6PM - MEET AT FORSYTHE on Newport Rd.

JP#5 - Leslie Park (The Finale)
September 28, 6PM - CANCELLED